When you think of Thanksgiving and the food associated with it, one of the things you might think of is pumpkin. You know, like pumpkin pie. Because other than Thanksgiving, when do you really use pumpkin in anything?
But then the problem comes shortly after Thanksgiving, when you have a pumpkin surplus that you don’t know what to do with. You can’t just throw it away, that’s perfectly good pumpkin! But then you can’t easily just throw it into cookies or something.
So I figure that using up leftover pumpkin was the driving force behind the genesis of pumpkin bread. I can just imagine…
Jeff and Christine were just settling into their new condo on the outskirts of Chicago. They had just moved there from the bustling metropolis of New York City, hoping to find a quieter life in the Midwest, away from the hectic life in the city. In the two weeks since they’d moved, they’d quickly made friends, as an attractive, vivacious couple like them might be expected to do.
They had attended a Thanksgiving get-together with some new friends a couple of days ago. Jeff’s parents were divorced and lived on opposite sides of the country, and he always felt guilty about visiting one over the other. He often ended up visiting neither of them, a solution which alleviated any potential guilt arising from favoritism, and yet left him feeling strangely empty. Christine’s parents lived in Taiwan, and they were about as un-American as yakitori and mu shu pork, so they never spent time together during the Thanksgiving season.
Thank goodness these two souls, both lost around Thanksgiving, had found each other. Their sexual chemistry aside, they really enjoyed being with each other. Especially during the holidays, when they felt like they were each other’s family, the only reliable person in each other’s lives. They each made the other feel complete.
So from this Thanksgiving get-together they had come away with a can of pumpkin puree. The hosts were heading out of town soon, so they wouldn’t have time to use up the can. Who better to take a leftover can of pumpkin puree than the hot young couple who’s new in town? Or at least, that’s what Jeff and Christine liked to think went through the hosts’ minds when they decided to give them this gift.
But now what to make with it? Neither Jeff nor Christine were exactly master bakers. But as a freelance writer and a freelance painter, not only were they always short on money, but they were also creative people. They really needed a shot of creativity right now.
Whenever they felt like they were lacking in creativity, they did what any couple might do: have sex. Yes, the act of coitus would often not only get their groin juices flowing, but their brain juices as well. Jeff basically outlined an entire magazine article he was stuck on during an extended lovemaking session in the bathtub once.
Christine, being more of a baker than Jeff, took the lead on this sexual encounter. She flew like a wrestler jumping off of the ropes right onto Jeff, who was knocked over by his lover’s sudden ardor. He landed on the queen-sized bed they had bought the day they arrived in the Midwest, with promises by the salesman that it was the bed of choice for comfortable sex. He had them sold.
Not wanting to be the submissive one yet again, Jeff reached up and ripped off her blouse like wrapping paper from a Christmas present. He was greeted with the present of her breasts, so perky, so ample, spilling out of her bra. Her brassiere sat there, blocking access to the holy land of her nipples, and he immediately unclasped it and threw it across the room like an unwanted ragdoll.
Access to her breasts unfettered, he began darting his tongue at her nipples. Christine loved it when Jeff did this to her. That wet, warm feeling of Jeff’s mouth enveloping her nipples was indescribable. Not the same as the wet, warm feeling of Jeff’s wet penis in her vagina, but still, for strictly above-the-waist action, this was sublime.
She felt weird being topless while Jeff was fully clothed. His shirt had to come off, now. She ripped open his shirt as if she were performing a thoracotomy with her fingers. It revealed his toned, hairless chest that she rubbed her hands all over. The firmness of his breasts. The squishiness of her breasts. They both looked down and saw that their bottom halves were still covered. Unforgivable.
Their belts came off more quickly than they had put them on. As they simultaneously dropped their jeans to the floor, their mouths interlocked like they were each holding onto the other’s lips for dear life. The panties and boxers came off soon after, and the excitement was visible, manifested as dripping fluids from their nether regions.
They soon started the thrusting portion of the ritual, as his penis entered her vagina. It fit like a glove. They were meant to be together. At least for sex. As the familiar rhythm came back to them, Christine remembered that they had started this session with a purpose. She needed to find a way to use that pumpkin puree.
They both groaned as Jeff’s thrusts became more urgent. She gyrated her hips into his, trying desperately to solve the geometry problem of his straight penis contacting her G-spot behind a curved wall. At the same time, she was trying to figure out how she could use a can of mushy pumpkin. What on earth would pumpkin go into besides pumpkin pie? And why wasn’t her G-spot just a little bit lower, or Jeff’s penis curved a little bit more upward? So close, yet so agonizingly far, in both the recipe and in her vagina.
After minutes of gentle, yet passionate thrusting, Christine was starting to feel more relaxed. The blood flow increased to both of their groins, causing Christine’s vaginal walls to magically reconfigure themselves into a more desirable position, while the head of Jeff’s penis swelled in a way that just grazed the magic spot inside of her anatomy that she found so incredibly difficult to reach herself.
The kissing became more intense. The grazing against her G-spot became caressing, and waves of pleasure undulated from her groin, straight to the tips of her toes. She started thinking of ways to use leftover fruits in baked goods. Right when Jeff’s penis touched her G-spot in just the right way, it came to her. Banana bread. That was a great way to use leftover, overripe bananas. Why not do the same with pumpkin? It would just need more spices, since pumpkin goes so well with those Thanksgiving flavors.
Christine was content with her realization. It was as if this lifted a weight off of her shoulders, a weight that was inhibiting her orgasm. With the burden gone, the floodgates opened. She let out a moan that seemed to last an eternity, as a pleasure bomb ignited inside of her. She felt winded. The force of the explosion had left her out of breath, knocked back into the soft bed. Jeff was also approaching a similar climax, and soon gobs of his fluids were shooting into her deep chasm.
Normally they would just do some post-coital cuddling and fall asleep, but Christine had work to do. She threw Jeff off of her, put on her clothes, and marched into the kitchen, a woman on a mission. Pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, sugar, flour, and baking soda. Basically banana bread with pumpkin puree instead of mashed banana. Oh but she needed spices. Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and ginger were the usual companions of pumpkin in other baked goods. This was turning into a nice, thick batter. She poured it into a loaf pan and baked it until it was done. Soon they were enjoying some nice, warm pumpkin bread. A wonderful snack to replenish their energy after that intense workout.
Well, perhaps this pumpkin bread has been around longer than that. Sadly, my discovery of pumpkin bread was not even remotely coital, but in fact came from Allrecipes.com, as many of them do. I scaled this recipe down to half and changed it to a 9×5 loaf pan, since that’s what I have.
Pumpkin Bread
1/2 can pumpkin puree (where 1 can = 15 ounces)
2 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup water
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
- Preheat oven to 350F, and grease and flour a 9×5-inch loaf pan.
- Mix together the pumpkin puree, eggs, vegetable oil, water, and white sugar in a bowl until well-blended.
- Whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and ginger until there are no lumps.
- Pour the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, and stir until just combined.
- Pour the mixture into the greased and floured loaf pan.
- Bake at 350F for 65 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.
In reality, my loaf seemed to take almost 80 minutes. But you probably want to check it sooner, so it doesn’t burn.
The wet ingredients.
The dry ingredients, in a separate bowl.
The dry ingredients mixed into the wet ingredients.
And then the batter goes into the greased and floured loaf pan.
Finally done after close to 80 minutes in the oven. The top burned a bit.
That split top that you get in banana bread and other loaves. I love it.
I really enjoyed this pumpkin bread. The inside was nice and moist, and it had a strong flavor of pumpkin that went really well with the spices, which were definitely noticeable but not overpowering. I might even make this with non-leftover pumpkin puree!