Recently, for St. Patrick’s Day, I made a chocolate Guinness cake. After all, what is more Irish than Guinness? Well, maybe potatoes. But I can’t put that in a cake.
This particular cake I made was covered in a cream cheese frosting. Beer and cream cheese, all in the same cake? I wonder how that came about…
Gary held Linda’s hand tighter as a sudden wind blew across his face on the cold streets of Dublin. Here they were, two Asian-Americans in a sea of Irish people. They had come on vacation, their first overseas trip. It was about time they left the country together, having dated for two years.
They had met through a mutual friend. Gary’s coworker was also Linda’s college classmate. After that one lunch together where they furtively exchanged glances and then phone numbers, they knew they had chemistry together. Four hours flew by during their first dinner, and ever since then they had been inseparable.
There was something different on this trip, though. Some inexplicable emotional distance between them. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe it was the jet lag. Dinner was strangely silent, as if they were both rushing through their food so the meal would end. Even now, as they walked down the street, they weren’t walking as closely to each other as they usually did.
They got back to the hotel and took off their coats silently. After their long day, they really didn’t want to stay up, especially given the thought of having to talk to each other. After quickly getting ready for bed, they crawled under the covers together. Gary snuggled up next to Linda, almost as if he were doing it out of obligation. He leaned over to gently kiss her. When she didn’t resist, he pressed harder, his tongue venturing past her lips cautiously.
Linda was doing her part, kissing back with the same urgency. Even though she didn’t feel like talking to him, she found herself in need of physical comfort from Gary. She could feel his hand going under her panties, his fingers parting the lips that spoke no words. Involuntary wetness soon followed, as she let out a moan without thinking.
Not one to let her man do all the work, Linda’s hands found their way to his belt buckle, undoing it and unzipping his pants in one smooth motion. She gripped his hard, throbbing penis and stroked it, feigning a passion that wasn’t in her heart. She could feel him move closer to her, his body heat becoming more intense as her stroking quickened.
Gary could feel himself getting wetter, precum trickling out like a stream near its source. His fingers were getting wetter as well, her juices coating the tips of his digits. The kissing continued to intensify, their tongues dancing around each other in an ardent embrace. They both knew that the foreplay was coming to an end.
He got up on top of her and inserted his penis into her, the couple simultaneously moaning as penetration took place. Their natural lubrication allowed Gary to slide back and forth effortlessly, just grazing Linda’s G-spot that she usually had so much trouble reaching. The thrusting continued, as her nails began to dig into his back, talons scratching a surface they desperately wanted to cling to. He knew he was doing it right when she couldn’t let go of him.
Overcome with desire, she flipped her lover on his back, taking control of the act as she thrust her hips up and down. With the angle of penetration fully under her control, she gyrated her hips just so his member could reach the parts of her vagina that she wanted it to. Gary’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, the twisting motions bringing incredible pleasure that only Linda had ever given him. She ground her hips into his pelvis as if she were crushing spices with her pubic mound.
The gyrations intensified as their sensations increased. Her moaning was nearly constant now, only stopping for breath as she continued to use his tool to reach the vital parts of her sex. The pressure was building like steam in a teakettle, a massive eruption of energy imminent. Their moans synchronized, their thrusting rhythmic, their lips interlocked, they approached the cusp of orgasm together. He felt his energy being concentrated in his penis, while she felt breathless as if she were about to fall off an infinitely tall cliff.
The edge of the precipice before her, Linda took the leap, letting out a wail that came from a place lurking below her consciousness. Her vagina seemed to contract around Gary’s penis, bringing him to new heights of sensuality. Waves of pleasure undulating from his groin, Gary had reached the point of no return. He let out a moan seconds after Linda’s, as his semen erupted into her vagina like a volcano unleashing its fury.
Linda rolled off of him, spent from the vigorous lovemaking session they just had. She was full of his cum, but she didn’t care. Whatever awkwardness and distance there was between them today was replaced by warm feelings of belonging and acceptance in her heart.
Gary was similarly breathless and physically satisfied, and yet as Linda turned out the lights to go to sleep, he couldn’t help but feel a certain sadness. Like there was something missing that he couldn’t quite identify. He turned it over in his mind for a few minutes before he, too, drifted off to sleep.
He awoke in the middle of the night. The alarm clock next to the bed read 2:35 AM. They had only been asleep for three hours, but he didn’t feel that tired. Thoughts about their relationship occupied him. He pulled on some pants and a sweatshirt and headed outside. Maybe a stroll on the street was what he needed to clear his head.
Gary stepped out onto the street outside the hotel. Not a minute after he had left, he encountered a handsome man, apparently also taking a stroll. He was a tall, slim man who appeared to be an Irish local. Eyes blue as sapphire, sharp as a honed blade. Gary stared at him. What was it about this man that caught his attention? They locked eyes, a silent greeting between them. Without a word, they went into a nearby deserted alley.
As if they had rehearsed it, Gary and the man shared a sudden kiss. It was a different kind of intensity from the kisses he had with Linda. There was something more exciting about this. Because it was with a stranger? Because it was with a man? He tried to figure it out before he lost himself in the moment, feeling the man’s stubble next to his face.
Before he knew it, their lips had separated, and the man walked away without saying a word. Gary stood alone in the alley, trying to process what had just happened. He had never kissed another man before. He had never even thought about it. But it had just happened. And what was this feeling he had about it? Curiosity? Even enjoyment?
But he was with Linda. He loved her. It wasn’t like he was gay and had been repressing it all this time. He had never desired another man, physically or emotionally. The kiss meant nothing, he told himself. He would go back to Linda, and everything would be fine.
Back in the hotel, Gary tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he had just done. He lay awake in bed, eyes open. He managed to get a bit of sleep before the sun came up, but no amount of sleep could erase the memory he wanted to forget.
Their vacation was over, and they were back in New York in the apartment they shared. They were going to a party the next day, and Gary, aspiring pastry chef that he was, wanted to bring a baked good. He liked baking alone, without Linda. Not that she was a bad cook or that she got in the way, but he found that he was the most creative when he was alone.
Their recent trip to Ireland had prompted them to buy some Guinness, just to have that taste of Dublin in their New York home. Seeing the cocoa powder in the cupboard, he immediately thought of a chocolate stout cake. The rich, dark flavor of the stout would go brilliantly with the chocolate. He mixed together the cocoa powder and Guinness and added sugar, butter, sour cream, eggs, flour, and baking soda to make the cake batter.
After baking the cake, Gary stared at the deep brown color of the cake before him. The thought of the Guinness inside the cake made him think of that brief encounter in the alley. He couldn’t keep staring at that lovely brown hue anymore. He grabbed a tub of cream cheese he found sitting in the refrigerator and immediately started mixing it with powdered sugar to create an icing for the cake. He smothered the cake with it, burying the brownness and the guilt beneath the white, tangy layer of cream cheese frosting.
Linda loved it, as did everyone else at the party. Gary smiled ruefully, knowing that beneath the white exterior was the rich, dark chocolate cake containing all the guilt he had associated with Ireland. He was hoping that once the cake disappeared, so too would his shame and remorse.
Well perhaps the cream cheese frosting first came about because someone thought it tasted good with the chocolate. I’m not sure, the origins are unclear, whether it’s a taste thing, or a bury-your-guilt-over-your-bisexual-stranger-encounter thing. Anyway, here’s the recipe that I got from here.
Chocolate Guinness Cake
1 cup Guinness or other stout
10 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
3/4 cup sour cream
2 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
Cream Cheese Frosting
1/4 cup butter, room temperature
4 oz cream cheese, room temperature
1 to 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Preheat oven to 350F.
- Grease a 9-inch springform pan with butter, and line the bottom with a round of parchment paper.
- Put beer and butter into a saucepan, and cook over medium-high heat until the butter melts.
- Add the cocoa powder, white sugar, and brown sugar, and whisk together until smooth.
- Take the beer mixture of the heat and let cool.
- Beat together the sour cream, eggs, and vanilla extract in a bowl until well-combined.
- Add the sour cream mixture to the beer mixture and whisk until combined.
- Add the flour, baking soda, and salt to the beer mixture and whisk until just combined.
- Pour the batter into the buttered pan, and hit the pan against the counter a few times to make sure there are no air pockets.
- Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
- Cool the cake and then pop the ring off of the springform pan.
- To make the frosting, beat the butter and cream cheese together with an electric mixer until smooth.
- Add the vanilla extract and mix.
- Gradually add the powdered sugar until it gets to the desired consistency.
- Spread the frosting on the cooled cake.
Here’s the Guinness, butter, cocoa powder, white sugar, and brown sugar.
The sour cream, eggs, and vanilla extract.
The two mixed together make a slightly lighter brown mixture.
And then the dry ingredients go in.
Into the prepared springform pan.
After 50 minutes in the oven, it’s done.
By the miracle of butter, I managed to get the ring off the cake without mangling the sides too much.
As you can see, my frosting skills have not improved one bit. I blame the lack of stiffness in cream cheese frosting.
Unfortunately, I had to leave the party I took this cake to before I was able to try it, so I don’t know how it tastes. From what my friends say, it seems that it was a dense, rich chocolate cake, so that sounds good to me!