Coffee cake is called coffee cake not because it has coffee in it, but because you eat it along with coffee. At a lot of these breakfast places, I feel like it’s just an excuse to eat what’s basically cake for breakfast. But since you’re eating it as an accompaniment to your coffee, it’s not nearly as sinful as straight cake, right? Right.
But how about putting actual coffee into a coffee cake? It’s as if the cake suddenly deserves its own name. How did such an idea come about, I wonder…
Hansel’s cafe was just opening to greet its customers on a fine March morn. Hat on head, smile on face, he opened the large French doors of his German cafe, welcoming the throngs of early birds inside for breakfast. Men and women, boys and girls rushed past him, each group wanting a table before the small cafe filled up.
The cafe’s specialty was coffee Bundt cake. A moist, rich vanilla cake in that distinctive Bundt shape. Plain in flavor, yet so luxurious on the tongue. Some people even ordered two slices to go with their coffee. Many ordered it even without coffee. Any excuse to have cake for breakfast.
It was a busy morning as usual, and Hansel looked up for a moment to see the most beautiful creature walk into the front door. Long locks of blond hair flowing down the sides of her pristine face, kissing the tops of her petite shoulders on the way down to the small of her back. He hurried to the front to greet her and offered her a seat.
Her name was Lena and she worked at a nearby hair salon. That explained her beautiful hair, long and yet so perfectly tamed. Hansel rushed to get her a glass of water, asking her if she needed anything. She asked for a few minutes to decide what she wanted to order. She came alone, he noticed. No man on her arm. He mentioned that their coffee Bundt cake was their specialty, smiling flirtatiously as “Bundt” escaped his mouth.
Hansel went to the kitchen, eagerly anticipating what Lena would order. He paced back and forth, fidgeting as if he were about to have a job interview for the most important job of his life. He stared at his watch, making sure he had given her enough minutes to make up her mind. He strode confidently into the dining room and approached her table.
She told him that he had convinced her, and the coffee Bundt cake was what she wanted, along with a small cup of coffee. Great choice, he complimented, trying his hardest not to grin as large as a Cheshire cat. She smiled back, exposing her perfectly white teeth in that petite mouth of hers. It was all Hansel could do to keep his heart from melting into a puddle right in front of her.
He rushed to the back of the restaurant, only to realize that he was running out of coffee Bundt. Luckily, there were still a few slices left, and he quickly cut a large slice for Lena, placing it on a plate so he could warm it up a bit. Meanwhile, he needed to prepare another Bundt, since he was sure to get more orders for their signature cake.
Hansel started mixing the batter, which was a basic cake with butter, flour, eggs, and all the other ingredients that made cake the heavenly creation it was. He then suddenly remembered that Lena had ordered a coffee, and he really wanted to make a fresh pot for her. Coffee beans went into the grinder, and just as he was carrying the ground coffee over to the coffee pot, he lost his footing, and the bowl went flying. It made a majestic arc in the air and somehow landed right in the middle of the Bundt cake batter.
He was aghast. His signature coffee Bundt cake, ruined with… coffee! But wait, doesn’t this actually make more sense? To have actual coffee in coffee cake? It seemed like it’d be worth a try. But straight coffee in the middle of cake might be a bit too bitter. The coffee had luckily landed in one pile, so he took a bit of it out, and mixed it with some butter and sugar to create a sort of coffee paste. He spread this around the middle of the cake, and covered that with more cake batter.
After Hansel put the cake into the oven, he started to make a new pot of coffee for Lena. This time, no airborne coffee granules, and he managed to make a steaming hot cup for her. He took the warm slice he had prepared earlier, along with the fresh coffee, and brought it out to Lena. Her eyes lit up like a slot machine declaring a jackpot.
He asked if he could get her anything else and left her with her food. As he checked on the other tables, he couldn’t help but glance over at her, spooning pieces of coffee cake into her mouth as she sipped on her coffee. Her eyes closed and the corners of her mouth turned up. She was obviously enjoying the experience. Hansel needed the will gathered from every bone in his body to stop himself from going over there and asking how she liked it. It was way too soon after she had started eating. It would be too creepy.
Lena was taking her time with her cake and coffee, as she glanced occasionally at a small book she had brought with her. Hansel went back into the kitchen to check on his latest invention, the coffee cake with actual coffee in it. It was about time to pull it out of the oven. There it was, the perfectly round cake with the hole in the middle, golden brown on the outside. He cut himself a slice, and the vein of coffee revealed itself. A small layer of brown in a sea of yellow fluffiness. He couldn’t wait to dig into it.
He took a fork and took a scoop of the yellow cake along with a bit of the coffee layer. As the fork moved toward his mouth, he could smell the rich, familiar aroma of butter, along with a hint of the coffee. Once it reached his tongue, he could taste the heavenly combination of the pound cake flavor with the bitter yet sweet taste of the coffee layer. It was a masterful combination. Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner?
Immediately, he thought of Lena and how she was enjoying her coffee cake out in the dining room. Wouldn’t she love a taste of this? He hurriedly cut another slice of the warm cake and brought it out to her. He proudly exclaimed that she was the first customer to try out his new culinary creation, and she smiled again. He could never tire of that beaming smile of hers. He watched as she took a bite of the new cake, and immediately he knew that he had a hit. Was it his imagination, or did she let out a small moan? He could see color suffusing her cheeks, as if she had just had some kind of orgasmic experience.
She thanked Hansel for the coffee cake, as he had given her his newest invention on the house. Of course, said Hansel, as she got back to eating her cake and finishing her coffee. He left her alone for the moment, eager for the next time they could talk.
Soon she was ready for the bill, and Lena called Hansel over. He almost skipped on the way there, and thanked her for coming. She complimented him again on the cake, and she said she would definitely be back for more. He may have just imagined it, but he could have sworn she had winked at him.
Hansel went back to the kitchen, completely satisfied. New cake, new girl, the future was bright for him.
What, you thought there’d be sex? Well maybe in the next story…
I got the recipe here. I like sour cream more than Greek yogurt so I used that, but you can of course substitute.
Coffee Swirl Coffee Cake
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
1 cup sour cream
Coffee Swirl
2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter, room temperature
2 1/2 teaspoon instant coffee
1/2 teaspoon cocoa powder
1/4 cup brown sugar
- Preheat oven to 350F.
- Grease and flour a 10-inch Bundt pan.
- Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, and set aside.
- Cream together the butter and sugar in a bowl until light and fluffy.
- Beat in the eggs, one at a time.
- Beat in the vanilla extract.
- Stir in half of the flour mixture, and mix to combine.
- Stir in the sour cream and mix until combined.
- Add the remaining flour mixture, and stir until just combined.
- Beat the 2 tablespoons of butter, along with the instant coffee, cocoa powder, and brown sugar, together in a small bowl to make the coffee swirl.
- Put half of the batter into the Bundt pan, and spread it around evenly.
- Place the coffee mixture in a ring around the center of the batter.
- Top the ring of coffee with the remaining half of the cake batter.
- Bake for 45~50 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
- Let the cake cool for 20 minutes in the pan before turning it out onto a wire rack.
I actually made this again recently, but here’s some pictures from the first time, many months ago.
The cake batter. Very thick.
The coffee swirl.
Half the cake batter, with a ring of the coffee swirl mixture.
Then the rest of the cake batter on top of that.
After 50 minutes in the oven, it’s done.
The coffee swirl unfortunately seems to have sunk to the bottom, which is now the top of the cake.
The cake was very moist, most likely because of all the butter, and the coffee swirl add a vein of nice mocha flavor to the middle.
Coffee cake with coffee, who would’ve thought that would taste good?