Red Velvet Cupcakes in Jars

Posted on November 28, 2012 by Ryo

I had the occasion of attending a wedding shower (four long months ago, I’m totally behind), and I made some cupcakes for the occasion. But cupcakes can be quite messy, especially when they have frosting. So how to solve that problem?

You put them in jars, apparently. The new thing is to shove cupcakes into jars and eat them with forks. Well, I’m not sure if it’s a new thing, but it does pop up in bakeries here and there. And I thought, what a great idea to contain the mess.

But you have to wonder how someone even thought of putting cupcakes into jars in the first place, when they were already conveniently in little cupcake wrappers.

Kristin loved getting to her bakery early in the morning, before the sun had risen and before the rest of the world had started moving. The streets were empty, the air was cool, and she could have her time alone in the kitchen before the busy day started.

But today was a special day. She knew that her favorite customer, Nick, was coming in to pick up a birthday cake for a friend. Kristin had had an eye for Nick since the day he started coming into her bakery. Tall, slightly dark, handsome, with a gorgeous smile she could dream about all day. How he kept his incredible figure with such frequent trips to her bakery, she did not know.

She whipped up his birthday cake in a flash, fueled by her anticipation of seeing him once again. The cake layers came out beautifully, and she made a light lemon buttercream with a slight yellow tinge that she spread evenly over the cake. The lettering was in a royal blue: “Happy birthday Jake!” It was Nick’s college friend’s birthday, and he wanted a cake for him. What a wonderful, thoughtful man, Kristin said to herself when she got the order from Nick.

Customers flew through her store, buying pastries left and right like there wasn’t an obesity epidemic in the country, but her heart just wasn’t in it. The singular moment when Nick would enter the store was the only one that mattered to her today. Everything other moment in between was just a delay in getting there.

Finally, the moment came. His piercing eyes nearly shattered the glass door as he strode through it, and Kristin’s heart skipped enough beats that a cardiologist would have been concerned. Nick greeted her with his warm smile, and her heart melted a little like chocolate left out on the counter in warm apartment. “Let me get your cake for you,” Kristin said with a smile, as she rushed to the back to get him the cake she had made earlier in the day.

The instant she entered the back room and his smiling face slipped out of her sight, she longed to see it again. She never moved as fast as she did retrieving the cake, and she opened the door to the front of the bakery to be basked in the warm light emanating from his face.

Her hands trembled a bit as she slid the cake onto the counter towards him. “Is this OK?” she asked timidly, as she stared into the blue eyes she craved to see every day.

“Oh it looks great!” he beamed, making Kristin’s knees buckle a bit from the excitement. It was all she could do to keep herself from kissing him right there across the glass counter. But she couldn’t. It would be so inappropriate in a place of business.

“Hey Kristin,” said Nick, as Kristin’s eyes grew wider at the sound of her name coming out of his mouth. He looked strangely nervous, a side of him she had never seen before. “Um… you wouldn’t be interested in getting dinner sometime, would you?”

Kristin forced herself to take a breath before replying. An instant reply would reek of desperation. “I would love to!” she said, toning down her enthusiasm from what she really felt like inside.

“Great, so how about after work tomorrow?”

“Sounds good to me!” Kristin waved goodbye as Nick left the bakery.

The next 24 hours couldn’t go by fast enough. She couldn’t keep her mind on her work. All she could think about was dinner with the man that made her as wet as a water park when she thought about him at night.

But she had to get through this day and serve her customers. Her specialty was red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. The deep, rich red of the slightly chocolate-flavored cupcake with the bright white, tangy cream cheese was a heavenly combination in anyone’s mouth.

Kristin desperately wanted to give her man a sweet treat. But cupcakes are so messy on a date. The crumbs fall all over the place, the frosting gets on your mouth and fingers… really, the only way to eat a cupcake cleanly is on a plate, with a fork. Bringing forks and plates on a date, though? Unimaginable.

She looked around the kitchen. In the corner of the room, there were some mason jars that the bakery sometimes used for canning jelly. That’s it! She could put the cupcakes in the jars, and they’d be self-contained. Just throw a disposable spoon in the jar, and they’d have a way to eat it.

Her signature red velvet cupcakes were soon ready, bright red balls of fire in a neat grid in the muffin tin. She sliced a couple of them crosswise to make red velvet disks, and she put one in the bottom of a jar. The tangy cream cheese frosting went on top of that, and then another red velvet disk. Three more times and the cupcake was complete in the jar. She sprinkled some red sugar sprinkles on top, threw in a plastic spoon, and closed the lid. A perfect dessert in a jar!

Hours later, Kristin found Nick in front of her in a sharp-looking shirt and jeans that were just the right tightness. Her flowy dress perfectly matched her blouse that had just the right number of buttons unbuttoned. Enough to create a little excitement, not too many so as to remove all the mystery. Their dinner conversation flowed like beer out of a keg at a frat party. She soon had an invite back to his apartment, which she accepted with the eagerness of a dog promised unlimited bones.

She gave him the jar with the cupcake inside that she had made earlier. His eyes grew wide with excitement, and he twisted off the lid with such speed it seemed like he had opened thousands of them. Nick thrust the spoon into the opening, reaching as deep as he could with it, reaching the far corners with the tip. The spoon head came out of the opening with a pile of cake and frosting all smashed together. He guided it into his mouth, closing his lips around the shaft and pulling it out, leaving behind the delicious mixture in his mouth.

A soft moan escaped his mouth, as he closed his eyes to savor the taste of the cupcake in his mouth. Seconds later, he slowly opened his eyes to the sight of Kristin sitting on the couch. They stared at each other silently, and Nick knew that he needed to be on the couch with her.

Their thighs touched, and Nick reached up to touch the side of her face. She smiled, which was a green light for Nick to kiss her. Their lips locked together while their hands explored each other’s backs. Shirts flew off of torsos, pants fell off of legs, and then there were two adults in their underwear kissing on a sofa. Their crotches rubbed against each other, and soon after the garments in the way were torn off, exposing the naked flesh that was now free to be touched, caressed, stroked.

Fluids flowing freely over each other, Nick gently inserted his member into Kristin’s sex. They simultaneously moaned, and the thrusting began slowly but intensely. Their bodies rocked back and forth in a rhythm like a small boat at sea, their breathing now synchronized and growing louder by the second.

Heavy breathing turned to soft moaning, and the moaning eventually turned into almost screaming. Kristin threw her head back with her eyes closed, drowning in an ocean of near-climax pleasure. Nick’s thrusting became faster and more urgent, his eyes also closing to take in all of the intense pleasure happening below the waist.

The time had come for both of them, and Nick grunted as he unleashed a torrent inside Kristin, filling her up like an empty water balloon. At the same time, she reached her climax, screaming out Nick’s name as she were encountering her mortal enemy in a final showdown. Her pelvis convulsed with an intensity she had never experienced before, and she felt like she was floating in the air above the couch on a weightless cloud of pure bliss.

Minutes passed while they recovered from their orgasmic rapture. They gathered themselves together and got dressed. There was one final kiss between them before they parted ways. Kristin lingered in the hallway after they said goodbye, touching her hand to his door as she thought of the most incredible moment she had just experienced. All thanks to the cupcake she had put into a jar.

See, they can be so convenient when you don’t want to make a mess. I got the idea from here.

I used pint-size jars, but I really should’ve gotten half-pint jars, since the cupcakes really only take up about half a pint of space.

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Red Velvet Cupcakes in Jars

2 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1 ounce red food coloring
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Frosting
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup butter, softened
2 tablespoons sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 pound powdered sugar

  1. Preheat oven to 350F.
  2. Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt, and set aside.
  3. Mix the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Add the eggs, one at a time, and mix until combined.
  5. Add the sour cream, milk, food coloring, and vanilla, and mix until the mixture is uniform in color.
  6. Add the flour mixture, and mix until just combined.
  7. Line a muffin tin with paper liners, and fill them about 2/3 full.
  8. Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
  9. For the frosting, beat together the cream cheese, butter, sour cream, and vanilla using a hand mixer or stand mixer until well-combined.
  10. Add the powdered sugar gradually until the mixture is smooth.
  11. Slice the cupcakes horizontally into three layers.
  12. Put one cupcake layer in the bottom of a jar, and pipe some cream cheese frosting on top.
  13. Repeat this until the jar is filled, and repeat for the other jars.

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The batter, which is very red.

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And then the red batter goes into some cupcake liners.

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After 20 minutes in the oven, they are done, and they’ve lost a bit of their redness.

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Some of the tops turned black for some reason. I just didn’t use those parts…

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The cream cheese frosting, white and delicious.

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I sliced the cupcakes into three layers, with cream cheese frosting on top of each layer. My jars were a bit big, though, so the cupcakes look small in comparison.

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I also added some festive sprinkles.

These are nice for some special occasion, but really, getting the jars, washing them out, and then doing all this horizontal cupcake slicing along with all those layers of frosting is quite a bit of work. Then again, I’m not a professional piper, and I find frosting regular cupcakes to be quite an ordeal. They do look pretty with the sprinkles, though.

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McDonald’s Monopoly 2012

Posted on October 30, 2012 by Ryo

Like last year, I again increased my consumption of McDonald’s food products during their Monopoly game.

I always have hope that I’ll win a million dollars. In this day and age, a million dollars isn’t enough to let you quit your job, but that’s still way more money than I’ve ever had. I have faint glimmers of hope whenever I get a dark blue piece, but alas, it always turns out to be Park Place. Worthless Park Place. Well, worthless unless you also have Boardwalk. Which I never seem to get.

This year, I managed to not spend as much as I did last year. Maybe it was out of laziness. It’s still work to get all the way to McDonald’s, after all. I spent $35.84 at McDonald’s during the Monopoly game, compared to $61.49 last year. I only spent $3.15 at McDonald’s over the first nine months of this year when Monopoly wasn’t going on, though, so it was still a 10+-fold increase. Oh well.

I actually tried the mail-in thing this year, where you can send self-addressed stamped envelopes to them, and they’ll mail you four game pieces per envelope. I did five of them, so including the postage required to send them, that was another $9. OK, so I guess I spent $44.84 on Monopoly. I ended up with 44 game pieces:

  • 1x Baltic Avenue

  • 2x Reading Railroad
  • 6x Pennsylvania Railroad
  • 4x B&O Railroad

  • 2x Oriental Avenue
  • 2x Connecticut Avenue

  • 3x St. Charles Place
  • 3x States Avenue

  • 3x St. James Place
  • 1x New York Avenue

  • 2x Indiana Avenue
  • 2x Illinois Avenue

  • 3x Atlantic Avenue
  • 1x Marvin Gardens

  • 1x Pacific Avenue
  • 2x North Carolina Avenue

  • 2x Park Place

  • 1x Instant Win Medium Fries
  • 3x Instant Win Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Well, I didn’t win anything yet again, other than those four food items I have yet to get. And they expire November 5, so I’ll have to use them soon.

Maybe next year I’ll win a million dollars! Probably not… but a boy can dream. And eat a bunch of McNuggets and granola while he tries.

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Cream Puffs

Posted on October 17, 2012 by Ryo

It’s been a while. Between some vacations and increasing laziness, I somehow let over a month lapse since my last post. But I’ve been baking stuff. I’m just way behind in posting things.

A few months ago, I was enjoying some cream puffs from Beard Papa’s at a friend’s place. And, as usual, I enjoyed them very much. But it got me thinking, can’t I just make these at home? It seemed simple enough. Or is it?

Before making them, though, you have to wonder how they decided to shove custard into a pastry shell. I mean, why not like a custard sandwich with two pieces of pastry? Or just custard spooned on top of the pastry?

Masaru was angry. He had a terrible run-in with his cantankerous boss today, and to make matters worse, he missed his train by mere seconds, and he had to wait for another fifteen minutes on the platform.

Blind with rage, he kicked over a trash can on the platform. The contents spilled out like vomit from a sick child’s mouth, and women let out screams of terror. He hung his head low, looking for another object on which he could take out his frustration, when he spied an attractive young lady sitting on the bench. Earphones in her ears, nose in a magazine, she didn’t seem to notice the ruckus he had just caused.

There is nothing like the sight of a beautiful woman to cool the red-hot rage of a man. The blood seemed to rush straight down out of Masaru’s head. He calmly strode over to where the young lady was sitting and took the seat right next to hers. She looked up at him briefly, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly upon the sight of his face.

She removed her headphones with this stranger right next to her. Seizing the opportunity of her open ears, he asked her what magazine she was reading. She replied that it was an entertainment magazine she liked to read to keep up with her celebrity gossip.

Celebrity gossip turned into personal history, and soon they were talking about their pasts as if they had nothing to hide. He was Masaru, an accountant originally from Aichi. She was Ayumi, a receptionist originally from Aomori. During their brief twelve-minute chat, they learned that they both loved custard buns from the bakery. She actually had some at her apartment from this morning, and she casually invited him over.

Ayumi couldn’t believe what she had just done. She had just invited this man she had just met, after less than fifteen minutes of conversation. Less than a thousand seconds, less time than the news program she watched every day, and here she was inviting this man into her home. All because he was so friendly, and he had such a handsome face that could have shown up in one of her celebrity magazines.

They boarded the train together, where they continued their conversation about where they were from, the fact that they were single, the custard buns they both loved, the fact that they were single, and so forth. Her hand found its way into his somehow, and four stops later, they hadn’t let go but it was her stop. They rose together and walked out of the station, down the street three blocks to her apartment.

It was a clean but small apartment, and right when he walked in Masaru could smell the faint smell of roses from her air freshener. He immediately spied the bag of custard buns sitting on her kitchen table, his eyes drawn to them like magnets of opposite polarity. While his eyes were transfixed upon the confectioneries on the table, Ayumi’s eyes and then her hands went immediately for Masaru’s waist, stripping his belt out of its loops like pulling the string to spin a top. Startled, he took his gaze off of the pastries and onto her eyes. They stared into each other’s souls, the room around them fading away like it didn’t matter.

Her blouse was as easy to take off as cheap plastic wrap protecting a book, and likewise with his loose trousers that she could have unzipped in her sleep. Buttons on various garments were undone, and their lips found themselves intertwined, nearly-naked bodies pressed against each other. Perspiration enabled their skin to slide against each other effortlessly, and the final few undergarments were ripped off of their respective bodies. Her back was pressed against her sofa, while his chest was pressed into her breasts, his tongue darting into her mouth as if it were trying to find something it lost in the deep crevasses of her throat.

Natural lubrication flowing, Masaru gently inserted his throbbing member into her sex, already dripping from the excitement of the past minutes. They simultaneously and involuntarily moaned, pleasure erupting from their nether regions and coursing throughout their entire bodies. She closed her eyes, unable to keep her eyelids open from the intensity of the thrusts her vagina was experiencing.

Ayumi felt like her body was being lifted into the air on a blissful cloud, feelings of warmth swaddling her like a blanket from her childhood. Except this blanket was a handsome naked man who was reaching spots inside of her that no blanket could have ever reached. His penis reached new depths in her nether regions like a submarine exploring uncharted waters, her pleasure heightening with each new crevasse it reached.

The pressure had built up enough that she was on the cusp of climax. Ayumi tossed her head back and let out a scream, and she felt her body rocketing into the air as she climaxed, her entire body convulsing with rapture she never experienced before. At the same time, Masaru was having a similar experience, the screams of his lover vaulting him to heights he had never known before. The energies concentrated in his nether regions, and he shot out a load with force that a battleship firing its cannons would be jealous of.

Masaru and Ayumi collapsed on the couch, giving absolutely no heed to their bodily fluids flowing over each other. They drifted off to sleep, only Masaru awakening half an hour later. He stared at the naked body of the woman he had just slept with, a picture of near perfection sleeping on the couch. He pulled on his clothes and ambled over to the kitchen, spying the custard buns that they both loved so much. He so desperately wanted to eat one. But what would she think, this stranger sleeping with her and then taking one of her beloved buns? Unthinkable.

He wanted to make something for her. Even though he was an accountant by day, he was actually quite a cook by night. Her kitchen was quite bare; she usually got take-out or ate out with her girlfriends. There were some eggs in the fridge, as well as some butter. Flour and sugar were in the cupboards, so she did have the basics. Masaru recalled a trick he had read online once, where pastry could be made by cooking together butter and flour, and then mixing in some eggs. He did just that, making a paste that he then scooped out into balls on a baking sheet, not knowing what else to do with it. The balls of dough baked in the oven for a few minutes until they were nice and brown. Masaru noticed that they had opened up a bit, as if they were hollow inside. Like women desperate to get laid, they seemed to be begging to be filled with something. But what? He stared at the custard buns on the table. Of course, it should be custard!

Since he loved custard as much as the woman he had just banged, Masaru knew how to make a custard from scratch. Eggs, milk, sugar, and some cornstarch were combined, and after cooking them for a bit, he had a beautiful custard that he spooned into the empty pastry shells. From all the commotion and the heavenly scent of baked goods and custard, Ayumi arose from her slumber, only to be faced with these delightful little cream puffs. She opened her mouth, and Masaru popped one of the puffs inside. Her eyes lit up almost as much as when he made her climax. The wonderful combination of soft pastry with the rich custard inside was just heavenly. How could anything be more perfect than this?

OK, so it seems unlikely that he would know how to make choux pastry without putting custard inside. Who would eat that pastry on its own? Well, anyway, here’s a recipe for cream puffs I found here. I used the pastry cream that I always make.

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Cream Puffs

Choux Pastry
1/2 cup butter
1 cup water
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 eggs
powdered sugar (optional)

Pastry Cream
2 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar
2 egg yolks
1 egg
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/3 cup sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  1. Preheat the oven to 375F.
  2. Melt the butter and water in a saucepan over low heat.
  3. Add the flour and salt, and stir until a dough forms.
  4. Let the mixture cool for 10~15 minutes.
  5. Add eggs, one at a time, and beat until stiff.
  6. Scoop the dough onto a baking sheet with a spoon or ice cream scoop.
  7. Bake at 375F for 10 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 325F and bake for another 15 minutes.
  8. Turn off the heat without opening the oven door, and leave the puffs in the oven for 20~30 minutes.
  9. Make the cream by heating up the milk and 1/4 cup sugar in a saucepan.
  10. Mix together the egg yolks, egg, cornstarch, and 1/3 cup sugar in a bowl.
  11. When the milk comes to a boil, pour it in a thin stream over the egg mixture, constantly stirring the egg mixture so that the eggs don’t scramble.
  12. Return the whole mixture to the saucepan and bring to a boil while stirring.
  13. Once it comes to a boil, take it off the heat, and add in the butter and vanilla extract and stir until smooth.
  14. When the cream has cooled to room temperature, put it into a piping bag and pipe it into the pastry shells.
  15. Optionally, sprinkle the filled cream puffs with powdered sugar.

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The pastry, before scooping.

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The pastry, scooped onto a baking sheet.

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My shells are strangely oblong. I could have sworn I made round scoops.

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The pastry cream. It’s about to be shoved into those empty shells.

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After filling the shells, they look a bit less oblong. I had a bit of a hard time piping, maybe because the pastry cream was too thick.

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With powdered sugar on top.

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They weren’t as good as Beard Papa’s. The shells were a bit thick for me, but the inside was good. Next time, thinner shells.

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Honey Heaven

Posted on September 5, 2012 by Ryo

I love the taste of honey. I use it as sweetener for a lot of things, like smoothies. But it’s rare you see it in cocktails, since cocktails are usually cold, and honey doesn’t mix in with cold liquids so well.

But it turns out that you can get around that just by dissolving honey in hot water to make a syrup. Or just shaking really hard.

First, I tried a bourbon cocktail.

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Gold Rush
1.5 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon boiling water
2 oz bourbon
1 oz lemon juice

The honey and lemon juice made a nice combination of sweet and sour, and with the bourbon it actually made a pretty good drink. Somehow the sweetness of the honey and the sourness of the lemon went well with the taste of bourbon.

Then, I happened upon this cocktail, which I wanted to make since it had a cute name.

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Honey Bee
2 oz dark rum
0.25 oz honey
0.5 oz lemon juice

This needed more honey, it tasted overwhelmingly of dark rum. The lemon juice was also too much compared to the small amount of honey, it was sour without being sweet enough.

Finally, the “Bee’s Knees,” which apparently isn’t just an idiom.

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Bee’s Knees
1 oz gin
1 oz lemon juice
1.5 oz hot water
0.5 oz honey

The gin flavor wasn’t that overpowering in this drink, which I appreciated. I probably would’ve cut the lemon juice a bit, since this also had the 1:2 ratio of honey to lemon juice, which made it a bit too tart without enough sweetness, at least for me.

It seems that having a 3:4 ratio of honey to lemon juice results in a nice level of sweetness, at least for me.

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Clopen

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Ryo

My officemate at work today was shocked to learn that I was an applied math major in college. I don’t know why this was shocking, especially since I had brought it up before, but I suppose that things like rings and residues rarely come up when you’re writing code for a software company.

I remember struggling through real analysis with all of its abstract concepts and terminology. Even though I took almost nothing away from that class, since it’s so inapplicable to the real world, I recall the part about topology, with the open and closed sets and all that. I don’t remember all the details, of course, but I do remember that a set that’s both open and closed is called a clopen set. Which I thought was a funny but cute word.

But apparently, Hitler reacted more angrily to the term than I did.

I laugh every time I see this video.

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Nothing Below the Neck

Posted on August 14, 2012 by Ryo

I hardly ever talk about sex on this blog, but for some reason, the other day the words of my seventh grade Personal Development (that was basically Sex Ed) teacher rang in my head. She basically gave us two rules for purity:

  1. Nothing below the neck.
  2. Keep your clothes on.

Now, at the time, being the innocent little twelve-year-old that I was, I blindly accepted this advice. Not that there were any temptations or anything, mind you, especially for an unattractive chubby Asian boy growing up in a vast snowfield of Caucasians.

But now that I think back on it as an adult, I realize that this advice was horrible. First of all, what on earth can happen between your neck and your waist that’s so terrible? Belly button penetration? Some light nipple sucking never hurt anyone.

Even worse than that, though, is that neither of these rules prevents you from having oral sex. Unless of course she meant both you and your partner should abide by these rules. But she seemed to only be talking to us, which means that according to these rules, we can put as much stuff in our mouths as we want. As long as we keep our clothes on. And there’s plenty of room for shenanigans, even fully clothed. Trust me.

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Lemon Lime Cupcakes

Posted on August 10, 2012 by Ryo

Lemon and lime is one of those classic combinations, perhaps because of Sprite. Like attracts like, so citrus goes with citrus?

It’s common to see the combination in a drink, but in baked goods, it’s usually lemon or lime, not both. So to put both in the same confectionery is just… unthinkable! How would such a thing happen?

Andrew had a difficult time meeting girls. Even though he was tall, good-looking, and an incredibly nice guy, he was one of those hopelessly shy Asian guys that had trouble expressing his feelings to anyone who made his heart beat faster.

Thinking it would be a great opportunity to meet women in a safe setting, he signed up for a baking class at a nearby kitchenware store. He did have an interest in baking, and what better place was there to meet women than in a kitchen-related setting? He hated himself for thinking it. So sexist. And yet… statistically valid.

He strode into the kitchen classroom five minutes early. Andrew liked being early, since he hated being late and stared at by people in a room. There was only one other person there, a cute Asian girl with medium-length hair, the curls tumbling across her shoulders like wild vines dangling onto a bed of rocks. She smiled when she saw his face, and the room lit up as if a nuclear bomb had detonated nearby, filling the room with brilliant illumination.

They introduced themselves. She was Gina, a sales representative at a nearby pharmaceutical company. He was Andrew, an engineer at a small startup. They chatted about their mutual love of baked goods. The local Korean bakery had buttery rolls that were to die for. The aroma alone when walking into the bakery was enough to put you into a blissful coma you hoped you would never have to wake up from.

Other people started filing in, but to them it didn’t matter. They continued to talk like two childhood friends catching up after decades apart. And yet there was this ineffable energy between them, something that pushed their connection past the realm of friends.

Andrew and Gina’s conversation was suddenly cut short, however, when the instructor clapped her hands to begin the class. The lesson today was cupcakes. Lemon cupcakes topped with lemon curd. Everyone in the class gazed at the instructor intently. Except Andrew and Gina, who stole sideways glances at each other, smirking ever so slightly with each furtive glimpse.

Everyone formed pairs to actually make their dessert. Andrew and Gina naturally drifted together like two sheets of paper with wind blown between them. They silently went about making lemon cupcakes, all the while feeling invisible sparks of attraction that were heating up between them, small shocks of excitement electrifying the air.

Without exchanging a single word, they made the lemon curd together. In perfect unison, as Andrew whisked together some egg yolks and sugar, Gina poured in the lemon juice and zest to give it that distinctive citrus taste. The curd came together just as the cupcakes finished baking in the oven. The timing was nearly perfect, as if it were a sign of things in the universe aligning.

They continued to assemble the cupcakes, their eyes darting carefully but intensely at each other. It was as if they could see into each other’s souls, Andrew with his piercing brown eyes, Gina with her fierce almond globes. Like laser beams shooting through layers of flesh to expose the inner workings of the human psyche.

The cupcakes somehow managed to get assembled and eaten, but that was quickly forgotten. Andrew invited Gina over to his apartment, an invitation she readily accepted. Her lips seemed to expand and become more luscious before his very eyes.

He guided her into his apartment, sparsely decorated yet strangely inviting. After pouring two glasses of wine, they quickly nestled into the plush leather couch, their bodies melding into one ball of human flesh. Their lips soon found themselves in contact, the slight hint of tannins apparent in both of their mouths.

As Andrew gently lowered Gina onto her back, her blouse flew up off of her body like a flock of birds scared by a gunshot. Her skirt easily slid off of her waist, exposing her lace panties that were already starting to show signs of moisture. Gina quickly reciprocated, pulling Andrew’s shirt over his head and revealing an unexpectedly toned body with abs she was happy to run her hands over. The belt came off next, and the pants dropped soon after. He was noticeably excited, a massive tent in his gray boxer shorts pointing straight at her nether region.

The panties and boxers both slid off their bodies in one fluid motion, with an urgency neither one had experienced in some time. Andrew took his long, slender fingers and inserted them into her sex, which prompted a moan from her that made his heart skip a beat. Warmth surrounded his hand as he went deeper and deeper. He extended his fingers and curled them towards his palm, making a come hither motion as his fingertips caressed the magic spot that was the gateway to sheer exultation.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her mind went blank as rapture erased every trace of logical thought in her consciousness. She blindly reached for his member, stroking it gently and eliciting a moan from him, all the while not really knowing what she was doing. She was on autopilot, the fingers in her vagina tickling the spot that was the source of the pure mass of sexual energy she had become.

Gina, eyes fiery like a possessed demon, flipped Andrew onto his back with a strength she never had previously. He was turned on by this display of power. His fluid started to trickle down the side of his penis, and she quickly grabbed it and aligned her vulva with it. The piston had found its cylinder; the thrusting could commence. She made a circular motion with her hips, which sent all sorts of sensations shooting throughout her groin area. No pharmaceutical produced by her company could produce feelings like this.

Andrew could feel blood rushing towards his privates, almost losing consciousness from the sudden migration of hemoglobin away from his brain. His body didn’t care about supplying the brain with enough blood at this point; the penis needed it more. It was engorged with more blood than it had ever seen before, its hardness becoming noticeable inside of Gina. Their natural lubrication mixed together, making it increasingly easier for her to gyrate her hips on top of Andrew’s groin in contortions she never thought were possible.

Their thrusting became faster, more intense, more urgent. Gina started to buck vertically like a cowgirl trying to stay on a horse, while Andrew began to thrust upward, trying to get every last inch of himself into her. She angled her pelvis in just the right way so that the tip of his penis was grazing the spot.

The pressure was reaching the breaking point, like steam inside of a kettle on the verge of whistling. Their moans grew louder, sweat dripping from their bodies, lubricating fluid mingling inside of Gina. She bore down on Andrew, taking every inch of him inside of her, and she let out a loud moan while gripping his body as if he were the only thing keeping her from falling off of the cliff of rapture. Andrew’s breathing was becoming more and more audible, and seconds later he let out a guttural moan that he had never vocalized before. His semen shot out with violent force, reaching the extreme corners of Gina’s vagina.

In a complete role reversal, Gina seemed to fall asleep on the couch immediately after their intimate act, while Andrew was full of energy. He looked at the naked beauty sprawled across his couch, and he was brought back to the baking class he took a mere hour earlier. There he met this wonderful creature, and they had made those heavenly lemon cupcakes.

Despite just having finished rocking her world, ambitious man that he was, Andrew wanted to impress her even more. Could he improve on those cupcakes they had made in class? He was sure he could. Think, Andrew, think.

Andrew got dressed and washed up and sauntered over to the kitchen. The fruit bowl on the counter beckoned to him, and he found that he had lemons and limes. Limes! That was the ingredient that would elevate these cupcakes to the next level. He added zest from both lemons and limes into the cupcake batter and proceeded to prepare the buttercream, to which he added lemon and lime juice.

The cupcakes were soon ready, and they had a heavenly citrus aroma. He slathered them with the buttercream and bit into one. The tartness and sweetness of the frosting went perfectly with the moist cupcakes that had a noticeable lemon-lime flavor.

Gina was waking from her nap, the smell of freshly-baked cupcakes enough to rouse her. He fed her a cupcake, and it was enough to send her into another blissful state. The sweet confection seemed to recharge her. She was ready for round two already.

Gosh these must be some amazing cupcakes if it can energize her like that. Must be all that sugar…

I got this recipe from Baking Bites.

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Lemon Lime Cupcakes

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon zest
1 tablespoon lime zest
2 large eggs
1 cup milk

Frosting
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 to 3 cups powdered sugar

  1. Preheat oven to 350F.
  2. In a bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
  3. In another bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Beat in the lemon and lime zest until mixed.
  5. Beat in the eggs, one at a time.
  6. Stir in one third of the flour mixture, and then add half the milk.
  7. Stir in another third of the flour mixture, and then the remaining half cup of milk.
  8. Stir in the remaining flour mixture and stir until just combined.
  9. Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners, and divide the batter evenly between them.
  10. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until the cupcakes are set.
  11. To make the frosting, beat together the butter, lemon juice, and lime juice.
  12. Gradually add the powdered sugar while mixing, until the frosting is thick and creamy.
  13. Cool the cupcakes on a wire rack, and then spread the frosting on top.

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The wet ingredients: butter, sugar, lemon zest, lime zest, and eggs. The batter has a slight green tinge from the lime zest.

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After adding the dry ingredients and milk, it’s not so green.

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The batter goes into a muffin pan with paper liners.

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The frosting, with lemon and lime juice.

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The cupcakes are done after 20 minutes, with a nice golden color.

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Because of the large amount of liquid in the frosting, it’s not that stiff, and so I couldn’t really pipe it. Instead, I just spread it on top of the cupcakes.

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The frosting had a nice citrus flavor, while the cupcake itself also had a nice flavor from the zest.

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Cherry Cupcakes

Posted on July 30, 2012 by Ryo

I went cherrypicking a couple of months ago, and I ended up with an abundance of cherries, many of which are still in my freezer now. In the past, I’ve made cherry bars and attempted to make cherry pie. But this year, I felt like cupcakes.

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Cherry Cupcakes with Cherry Frosting

Cherry Cupcakes
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
4 eggs, separated
2 cups sugar
1 cup whole milk
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons maraschino cherry juice
1 cup cherry halves
(optional) red food coloring

Cherry Frosting
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1/4 teaspoon of salt
3 to 4 cups powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons kirsch
1/2 cup of dry, pitted, and chopped cherries

  1. Preheat oven to 350F.
  2. Cream the butter and sugar until very fluffy.
  3. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt, and set aside.
  4. Add the egg yolks, one at a time, to the butter mixture, mixing well after each yolk.
  5. Add almond extract and stir to combine.
  6. Add the dry ingredients and milk, alternating between them and mixing until just combined.
  7. Beat the egg whites until they hold stiff peaks.
  8. Fold the egg whites into the batter, along with the cherries and cherry juice.
  9. Optionally, add some red food coloring to make the cupcakes pinker.
  10. Fill 24 cupcake liners about 2/3 full with the batter.
  11. Bake the cupcakes for 18~20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
  12. Make the frosting by first beating the butter and salt together until light and fluffy.
  13. Slowly add 3 cups of powdered sugar, half a cup at a time, until the sugar is incorporated into the frosting.
  14. Add the vanilla extract and kirsch and mix until combined.
  15. Fold in the pitted cherries and stir until they’re evenly distributed.
  16. Once the cupcakes are cool, pipe the frosting onto the cupcakes.

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Here’s the batter, with the pink hue from some food coloring. You can see the chopped cherries in the batter.

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The batter, in the cupcake liners.

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Mine were done after 18 minutes. Some of the cherries have burst in the oven.

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I actually ended up with more than 24 cupcakes…

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The frosting, with cherries.

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I piped the cherry frosting onto the cupcakes, and I topped them each with a cherry half.

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The solid chunks of cherries made it a bit hard to pipe the frosting evenly, since they clogged the tip. Well, that and my terrible piping skills were to blame.

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The cupcakes were nice and moist, with a strong cherry flavor. The frosting didn’t taste all that much like cherry, though, since it was mostly sugar, after all.

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Brown Sugar Cookies

Posted on July 21, 2012 by Ryo

The default sweetener in baked goods tends to be the ubiquitous white sugar. But, every once in a while, something else is in order. Like… brown sugar. Moist, rich brown sugar. And as long as we’re using brown sugar, why not also use brown butter?

But what kind of madman would think of such a combination?

Steven sat in his laboratory, thinking of his next culinary creation. A molecular gastronomist by trade, he had cooking ingredients in his lab right alongside various chemicals that could transform food in ways he could never have imagined were possible.

Though he rarely ventured outside, as of late he had begun to see an enchanting woman named Isabelle. A charming young lady who lived down the street, she was intrigued by this nerdy yet somehow alluring young scientist.

One day, after weeks of flirtation, Isabelle had finally gotten an invite into Steven’s house. They chatted over coffee and laughed over biscuits in his living room. Suddenly and simultaneously, they stopped laughing. Their eyes locked, and their lips came together as if the air between them had been sucked out of the room. Their bodies came together just like their lips did.

As if an external force were present, the door to the basement laboratory flew open. Steven and Isabelle flew down the stairs, floating gently as if there were a magic carpet underneath them. Clothes flew off their bodies like untethered garments in a violent sandstorm. They found themselves in the middle of the laboratory equipment, beakers and chemicals on one side, baking supplies on the other. But in the middle was the thing they both cared about, their hot, throbbing naked bodies intertwined on the concrete floor.

They rolled around, alternating on top as instruments rained down upon them when they hit the tables. Vials were spilling all over the floor, but they paid them no heed. The fluids splashing on the concrete were nothing compared to the intensity of the fluids being exchanged between their nether regions.

Steven’s tongue made its way into the very back of Isabelle’s throat, tickling her uvula as she let out a guttural moan that reverberated through his whole body. Blood rushed downward toward their genitals, barely keeping up with their excitement. It was all Isabelle could do to not faint, as her labia were engorged with the blood that was circulating in her head seconds before.

One more roll and they knocked over a table with food on it. Some brown sugar spilled over into a metal bowl, and the butter Steven had left there to soften flew into a pan he had on a low flame. This all happened above their heads, though, and so they continued their lovemaking, oblivious to the activity of the sustenance above.

Right as the butter was melting, their moans had reached a crescendo, and Steven let loose a torrent of semen into Isabelle’s deepness. She didn’t even care that she could at that moment contract an entire spectrum of diseases, not to mention create a life form that she’d have to take care of for the next eighteen-plus years. The very last thrust was enough to send her over the edge, and she howled the way one might imagine a primate would during estrus.

While they both recovered from their transcendent experience on the cold concrete floor, Steven could smell a faint nutty aroma in the air. He got up, still dripping with bodily fluids, and noticed that there was some kind of liquid that was turning brown in the pan. He quickly turned off the heat and noticed that it was melted butter. Oh no, he thought to himself, I burned the butter that I was carefully softening!

But that aroma was so tantalizing. The pile of brown sugar in the metal bowl beckoned to him, and he mixed the brown butter with the brown sugar. Completely ignoring the naked woman sprawled out on the floor, his own fluids oozing out of her, he continued to mix ingredients in the bowl to make a cookie dough. Eggs, flour, and baking soda went into the mix, and he carefully scooped out perfect little balls onto a baking sheet. After carefully washing his hands, of course.

The trays of dough balls went into the oven, and after he cleaned up the mess they had made from their romp in the laboratory, the cookies were done. He picked one up off the tray. It was brown around the edges, but soft in the middle. He bit into it, his teeth sinking into the brown, rich goodness in the center. It was heaven. The feeling of biting into a freshly-baked, butter-filled cookie was matched only by the feeling he had experienced minutes earlier when he shot his load into Isabelle mere feet away from the oven where the cookies baked.

He had created a masterpiece. And he had this woman to thank. The woman who angrily put on her clothes and walked out of the house, walking out of his life forever.

Gosh it’s a little unsanitary to have sex in any place where there’s food. But luckily, there was no sex at all going on when I made these cookies. I got this recipe from here.

Brown Sugar Cookies

14 tablespoons (1 3/4 sticks) butter
1/4 cup white sugar
2 cups packed dark brown sugar, divided
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

  1. Heat 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) of butter in a saucepan over medium heat until melted, and continue to cook until the butter is brown and has a nutty aroma, which should take 1 to 3 minutes after it melts.
  2. Remove the saucepan from the heat and pour the brown butter into a bowl.
  3. Stir in the remaining 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) of butter into the brown butter until melted, and set aside.
  4. Preheat the oven to 350F.
  5. Mix together the white sugar and 1/4 cup of the brown sugar with your fingers until combined, and set aside.
  6. Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and baking powder in another bowl, and set aside.
  7. Add the remaining brown sugar and the salt to the butter mixture and mix until there are no lumps.
  8. Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla and stir until incorporated.
  9. Add the flour mixture to the bowl and mix until just combined.
  10. Divide the cookie dough into 24 portions, about two tablespoons each, and form them into balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter.
  11. Toss the dough balls in the white and brown sugar mixture until they’re coated, and place them on a baking sheet about two inches apart.
  12. Bake for 11 to 13 minutes, until the cookies are browned and puffy, and the edges are set. The centers should still be soft, and the cookies will look raw between the cracks.
  13. Cool the cookies for a couple of minutes on the baking sheet before removing them to a wire rack to cool completely.

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The brown butter, with all the tasty brown bits.

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The dough. It’s quite buttery. And brown.

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The dough balls, after being rolled in the sugar mixture.

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They’re done after 11 minutes in the oven. Still a bit raw-looking between the cracks, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

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The puffiness goes away after they cool a bit.

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These cookies are really good. The brown sugar adds a certain depth to the cookies, and the brown butter adds a nutty flavor, while the sugar coating adds an extra crunch. It all just works together, in one decadent cookie.

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Lychee Macarons

Posted on July 11, 2012 by Ryo

I’ll admit, making macarons is a bit of a project. The careful folding of the batter, waiting for it to dry on the sheet before baking… and in the end you get these little sandwich cookies that large-mouthed people can just eat in one big bite. And you never know if they’re going to crack or otherwise turn out horribly.

But you know, it’s a challenge that I like to undertake every once in a while. Especially since people seem to love macarons so much. They’re probably happy that they’re not paying $2~3 a pop like they would at a bakery.

This time, I decided to use lychee flavoring, since I love the flavor of lychee. Since I couldn’t find any lychee powder, the lychee flavor is in the buttercream filling.

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Lychee Macarons

2 egg whites
100 grams powdered sugar
60 grams almond flour
60 grams granulated sugar
red or pink food coloring

Filling
1 stick butter, softened
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tablespoon lychee liqueur
1 teaspoon lychee syrup
1/2 teaspoon rose water
red or pink food coloring

  1. Sift the powdered sugar and ground almond together, and set aside.
  2. Beat the egg whites with an electric mixer until frothy.
  3. Add the white sugar, and continue mixing at high speed, until stiff peaks form.
  4. Mix the dry ingredients into the egg white mixture, and fold with a spatula until incorporated.
  5. Mix in food coloring until the desired pink color is obtained.
  6. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and pipe the macaron shells on it.
  7. Preheat oven to 300F.
  8. Let the macaron shells sit for 20-30 minutes at room temperature, until they are dry enough that you can touch them without any batter sticking to your finger.
  9. Bake the shells for 12 minutes in the oven, until they don’t slide on their feet.
  10. Make the filling by beating the butter until fluffy.
  11. Add powdered sugar, half a cup at a time, until the desired consistency is reached.
  12. Add the lychee liqueur, lychee syrup, and rose water, and enough food coloring until the desired pink color is obtained.
  13. Spoon or pipe the filling onto the macaron shells, and close them with another shell to form a sandwich.

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The batter has a nice pink hue.

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I cannot for the life of me pipe regular circles. But these will have to do.

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Twelve minutes in the oven, and they managed to not crack, somehow.

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The lychee buttercream. The liqueur really gives it a good lychee flavor.

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Despite the wildly differing sizes, I think these turned out quite well.

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The hint of rose is actually noticeable, and it goes well with the lychee flavor. I wish there were a bit more lychee flavor, but sadly, it’s difficult to add more without making the buttercream runny.

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